Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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