The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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