pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
