Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize