Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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