Someone shit on the floor
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm bleeding and have questions
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
