the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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