I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
