Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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