You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
