I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
