I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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