why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
