tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
