I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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