Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
