just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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