4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
