Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
