I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Who died my cat blue again?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
