mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
kristin has been a bad kristin
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Randomize
