Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
