I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
