I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
