i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
People in love make me want to vomit
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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