Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
