I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
