Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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