when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
