i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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