And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"