I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?