He asked me if I "almost moaned"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.