why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.