I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good