john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa