i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
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we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Every concussion has its silver lining
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The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.