I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
you never un-have a 4some
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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