I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
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She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
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I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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