Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
