I wish they made helmets for livers.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
