During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
