i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
