i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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