Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
