Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i will never coherently bang her
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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