My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
