Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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