I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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