So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
