Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
