So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
