therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
