Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
