I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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