Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
