you turned your livingroom into a bong?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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