using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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