I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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