You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
