She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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