giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
