No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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