I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
