Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
operation have a gay friend backfired
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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