its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
